For most part, Shivani is a girl studying in class 6th, who barely knows about friendship and love and things in between. She is talkative and friendly and occasionally very obdurate. Then again, she is a character. A character from the time when the concept of love had endured my mind. She is the one i knew who fulfilled every aspect of template which proves someone can be your lover. I told her these things and you know what, she agreed. She said she loves me and will marry me. I was on the nineth cloud. It was a short term happiness as it turns out after exactly 3 months and 4 days, my father was transfered to a city other than where we were initially posted.
In school i used to see students of 11th n 12th and the freedom they enjoyed. How often they were not punished for things otherwise a great misstep for us. So, one day before leaving the school, i said my class teacher Mani mam that i love Shivani and i want to marry her. Mam took it as a mischievous act and reported to parents. Although it came out to be good, cause now i was able to call her my girlfriend not only in school but also outside in our neighbor. She used to live just in front of my home. I could see her when ever she was in her lawn from my balcony. I still thanks that balcony for this. As the days approached to the time we had to be separated, our friendship was at its peak. I was unaware of the fact what was to happen. If i had ever knew it. I must have stole thousands of moments with her. I could have just changed the whole story, i mean only love not even a single discomfortable moment. I won't lie, i miss her.
I remember that day. Around 5:21pm it was. A call had came to my father from one of his colleague, my father acted a bit pale afterwards. Same day, around 9pm when i was to sleep. He came into my room and told me "Shivani and her father have met an accident, there was no chance of survival". I acted as nothing have happened. When he left the room i was still okay. After around 10mins there came this time when i moved to tears. They were flowing itself i was not doing anything. Then i started to cry with my mouth and my nose started to blow. I tried to take a nap, but it was just not possible. I was seeing something.
A face covered with hair on half and other half with blood. But it was smiling. A very distinct kind of smile. Like a smile in which no muscle, no tissue was moving. Like if she is dead.
Other day, i was on a train to Varanasi, the place where it was possible for me to see her for last time, ask some questions she won't answer and to wave a bye.
It was horrific, that was my first experience with death. I paused my life for weeks, then tried to forget her and finally gave her some space deep inside my mind. So that there is no fear of losing her and nothing terrifies me as she is always with me.
I don't know if i loved her, but if didn't then now certainly i do and every next day it increases slightly. I want to live, and feel what living is. That is what Shivani is now for me. A character
In school i used to see students of 11th n 12th and the freedom they enjoyed. How often they were not punished for things otherwise a great misstep for us. So, one day before leaving the school, i said my class teacher Mani mam that i love Shivani and i want to marry her. Mam took it as a mischievous act and reported to parents. Although it came out to be good, cause now i was able to call her my girlfriend not only in school but also outside in our neighbor. She used to live just in front of my home. I could see her when ever she was in her lawn from my balcony. I still thanks that balcony for this. As the days approached to the time we had to be separated, our friendship was at its peak. I was unaware of the fact what was to happen. If i had ever knew it. I must have stole thousands of moments with her. I could have just changed the whole story, i mean only love not even a single discomfortable moment. I won't lie, i miss her.
I remember that day. Around 5:21pm it was. A call had came to my father from one of his colleague, my father acted a bit pale afterwards. Same day, around 9pm when i was to sleep. He came into my room and told me "Shivani and her father have met an accident, there was no chance of survival". I acted as nothing have happened. When he left the room i was still okay. After around 10mins there came this time when i moved to tears. They were flowing itself i was not doing anything. Then i started to cry with my mouth and my nose started to blow. I tried to take a nap, but it was just not possible. I was seeing something.
A face covered with hair on half and other half with blood. But it was smiling. A very distinct kind of smile. Like a smile in which no muscle, no tissue was moving. Like if she is dead.
Other day, i was on a train to Varanasi, the place where it was possible for me to see her for last time, ask some questions she won't answer and to wave a bye.
It was horrific, that was my first experience with death. I paused my life for weeks, then tried to forget her and finally gave her some space deep inside my mind. So that there is no fear of losing her and nothing terrifies me as she is always with me.
I don't know if i loved her, but if didn't then now certainly i do and every next day it increases slightly. I want to live, and feel what living is. That is what Shivani is now for me. A character
